Promoting Self-regulation in Teens and Kids

Do you know Emily and Tommy fought like Tom and Jerry all day? They scream and get violent with each other over petty things and make their parents stressed. Let’s have a look at a typical day in their life.

Like any siblings in a typical family around us, Emily, 15, and Tommy, 13, are a teenage brother-sister duo living in Winnipeg. However, they always fought over almost everything. For instance, who would use the bathroom first, get the remote to watch their favorite show, get the last slice of pizza, and on and on. The list is endless.

Their parents were having a hard time controlling and pacifying the two teenagers and got frustrated and worried at the same time. They tried to talk to them and make them understand the consequences of regular fighting, but it wasn’t helping. The problem kept on getting larger with every passing day.

Lack of Self-Regulation in Teenagers: A Global Phenomenon

Emily and Tommy’s parents are not alone in dealing with the issues of teenage kids. As per a report by the American Psychological Association, parents globally are facing several teenage issues such as aggressive behavior or violence, promiscuity, school truancy, drug or alcohol abuse, breaking the law, or runaway behavior.

The exponential rise of technological means and their access to teenagers has enabled them to do anything unthinkable just a few decades ago virtually. This has created a systemic issue for all societies worldwide; therefore, understanding the concept of self-regulation is important. Let’s see what self-regulation means and how it can help stop our teenagers from going astray.

Understanding Self-Regulation

Simply put, self-regulation is the ability to manage our emotions and, thereby behavior to manage our personal and professional lives better. It is a master virtue that is important in relationships, well-being, and overall success in life. Self-regulation is the basis of a good living and adds to an individual’s overall satisfaction. It helps balance an individual’s life during the most testing times. According to eminent researchers, self-regulation is a training process on the right methods. It helps individuals develop self-control, an indispensable skill for our kids, teens, and adolescents. Since the teenage years of a kid’s life are filled with biological, emotional, and social upheavals, they are often caught at the crossroads. They really don’t know what to do and how to react, and there comes the role of a parent, the school, and the larger society to help and support them in coping with the challenges beyond their comprehension.

But What Are The Benefits Of Inculcating Self-Regulation In Teenagers?

Let’s take a look at these benefits before we proceed with the strategies to build these skills in our teenagers

Creates healthy relationships with peers and family members
Develops a never-say-die spirit
Harmonizes their goals and choices in life
Helps build perseverance that determines their success in life
Become good leaders and decision-makers

While developing self-regulation in teenagers starts early during their childhood, primarily by their parents, they are also affected by the atmosphere around them, the people they interact with, and the places they spend their time.

One of the primary onus lies on the school and the teachers to include self-regulation strategies for students. Owing to the numerous benefits of self-regulation skills, they must use a variety of techniques and activities to help students develop these qualities.

Check this curated list of our top picks among the self-regulation strategies that can be used

1. Create Rules

Creating simple and logical rules in the classroom or at home can help the child develop self-regulation. For instance, sending reminders when kids get impulsive helps to instill self-regulation habits in them. Let the students know that they need to follow the fundamental rules and respect boundaries while being in the classroom. It may include raising hands before asking anything or speaking, not interrupting others abruptly, seeking permission to move out of the class, etc.

These easy-to-follow rules will gradually strengthen their self-control and help them become disciplined with time. You can also create catchy one-liners and jot them on a chart paper to remind them of these. Similarly, parents can create simple rules at home like no television just before going to bed, keeping their gadgets away, and discussing their day at the dinner table to better understand each other.

2. Physical and mental relaxation

To attain self-regulation, the mind needs to be calm in all situations. This comes to people with practice. Hence, you must focus on training your child to be calm in stressful situations and maintain their composure. This can be achieved through breathing exercises, yoga, and calming activities like arts and crafts. Similarly, schools can allow students to spend some time with these activities by scheduling short breaks or leisure time for these activities.

A simple diaphragmatic breathing technique can also be beneficial for both the physical and mental health of the individual. Hence, these can be incorporated into classrooms. Parents can also practice simple breathing and meditation exercises at home with their kids. These simple activities will lay the foundation of a healthy mind in a healthy body. Mindful activities like these should be a part of a child’s daily routine. It will help the child to be more self-aware and, in turn, support better lifestyle choices.

3. Train the brain

Talking to your kids about self-regulation techniques and habits can also be very helpful. Let them know the ideal ways of behaving during a face-off or unpleasant outcome they face in daily life. Discuss simple problems of a dispute in the school or an act of being unnecessarily by a classmate. Allow the child some time to think and respond. And explain the process of thinking before reacting impulsively. Tell the child about the desirable behavior and its impact on the onlookers. And help him/her understand how anger and impulsiveness can lead to great damage later on.

Be a role model yourself and exhibit polite and calm behavior. This will help the child to understand and grasp the manner of behaving in an adverse situation perfectly. So, discuss these scenarios and always try to lead by example.

4. Make use of technological means and tools

We are fortunate to have access to digital tools in this ‘Information Age’. The best information sources (websites, applications, portals, tools, etc.) are now available at our fingertips. Therefore parents and teachers alike can make good use of them and start learning self-regulation online. They can download a couple of applications (many of these are also free of cost), and help the teenagers develop self-regulation skills. These are easy to use and work well in training the child’s mind to delay instant responses. In addition, lessons on meditation and lifestyle management can also be great picks. These can help teenagers understand the importance of self-control and build resilience in life.

5. Work on their emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is our ability to understand, manage, and apply our own emotions in positive ways. In teenagers, it can relieve stress and help in effective communication. It can also make them overcome challenges and defuse conflicts. Self-regulation goes hand in hand with emotional intelligence. self-regulation of emotions is the most important aspect of emotional intelligence.

As a parent or teacher, you can start imparting the basics of emotions and help them express their feelings. Because they struggle to find the right words to express themselves. Acquaint your children with the right vocabulary and phrases to express clearly. Gradually, the child will also understand more about emotions, their triggers, and their effects in everyday life. Teenagers often get overpowered by a sudden rush of hormones that affect their objective judgment abilities. They may make impulsive decisions that can have detrimental consequences on their career. Speak to your child about the basic tactics of regulating emotions. This emotional intelligence is the basis of a happy and successful life. So let the child know and master his/her emotions instead of being a slave to them.

Conclusion

Self-regulation is the key to a successful life. It can help an individual to understand themselves better and find solutions to their issues. As a parent or teacher use the strategies and tools mentioned in this article to inculcate self-control skills in teenagers. Moreover, having a check on your kid’s screen time, monitoring their online activities, and being approachable to them will help you while nurturing teenagers. Encourage them to play outside and socialize. Indulge with them in their passions and listen to them when they try to tell you something patiently without passing a negative judgment immediately. Similarly, for schools and teachers, it becomes more important since teenagers spend significant time with their peers and friends in school. The teachers can monitor and act swiftly in case they observe any disturbing changes in teenagers and also take their parents/guardians in confidence. If you believe your child is missing out on these self-regulation skills, try out these simple ways to help him/her learn about this imperative new-age life skill. Emily and Tommy’s parents used these self-regulation strategies suggested by us to control their teenage kids. In a few months, both became well-behaved kids and role models for the teenagers in their neighborhood, making their parents proud as they are living happily ever after.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1. What is self-regulation?

Ans: In simple words, self-regulation is our ability to manage our emotions and behavior. It helps us manage our personal and professional lives in a better manner. Self-regulation is a master virtue that is important in relationships, well-being, and overall success in life.

Q2. What are the 4 components of self-regulation?

Ans: As given by Roy Baumeister, the four components of self-regulation are: 1. standards of desirable behavior, 2. motivation to meet standards, 3. monitoring of situations and thoughts that precede breaking standards, and 4. willpower, or the internal strength to control urges.

Q3. What is successful self-regulation?

Ans: Successful self-regulation is having control over one’s emotions, behavior, and actions. It leads to setting attainable goals and taking appropriate actions to achieve them. It also means utilizing resources while remaining aware of their limitations.

Q4. What are the principles of self-regulation?

Ans: Self-regulation works on the principles of an individual being cognizant of one’s emotions and their triggers while positively managing their cognition and emotion. Individuals and external factors influence self-regulation in children. For instance, teachers, caregivers, and parents can teach and strengthen self-regulation.

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